no you text first

So this morning started out like most every morning...I had a cuppa joe with wayyy too much creamer in it (just the way I like it :)) and I started going through my facebook feed when I hit upon this! It's an article by my blogging friend Courtney....author of titus2minutes.

EDIT: I wrote this like a few days ago and then got busy and then forgot about this post and now I'm writing it.



You may remember that back in July I had an interview with this darling...well I've been following her blog and, let me tell you, every time I read her posts I am just so challenged and so edified.

So I would encourage you to sign up for email updates on her blog.

Anyhow, her most recent article dealt with what might seem like a trivial issue....who should initiate communication?

But, as Courtney so articulately pointed out, it's really not an issue of should I text first or should he, but a bigger heart issue.

It may seem silly and over-complicated to spend one more breath on this issue of text-based communication, but I think it's a very relevant.

You see, my parents are actually some of the most open-minded individuals when it comes to dating. Oh sure, when we were in high school the rules were pretty much NO DATING. If you like someone, fine. You can hang out and be friends...

But, at least in the Christian world, I don't think that's too uncommon or strict. It makes perfect sense to me.

But my parents never, ever sat down with me and gave me a list of rules for how to handle boys once they aren't boys anymore....

I think mostly because they trust my judgment. That, and they know I'm too painfully awkward to actually date anyone. (NOT TRUE BUT SORT OF LOL)

But what about that time when you're sorta single and ready to mingle? What about that time when you're not really serious, like Dixie Chick's serious, and you're still just getting to know each other?

Is it okay for the girl to text first? Or is it way to presumptuous and pursuing to make it happen?

Here's three questions I would consider asking yourself before making that first text or message:

1. Is this going to dishonor God?

Everything we do should be another offering up to the Lord so it would make sense that, especially with things that are dear to your heart, like males. If the actual content of the message and the intention behind it don't seem to contradict God and His word...read the next question...

2. Am I trying to get his attention for selfish reasons?

Okay, so this is sort of a big deal since it also deals with the heart. Are you talking to him because it makes you feel better or affirmed? Or are you genuinely interested in how his day was?

3. Do I frequently start the conversations?

This can be taken legalistically so please hear me out...I'm not asking you to count the number of times you start the conversations...but just in general...do you feel the burden and pressure to keep up communication or does he? Are you afraid that he might stop talking to you if you don't make some sort of effort?

If you answered yes to any of these questions...you will never be married....ever.

Dawson's Creek never gets old

NO- I'M TOTALLY JOKING!!!

But it may be a good time to reevaluate your relationship with this guy. It's tough, but it shouldn't be brain surgery.

The guy should be making more than his fair share of the effort. I know it's so hard to be patient. But trust me, guy friends have told me so many times how much they appreciate it when they can do the pursuing. 

I mean this isn't the 18 hundreds...if you have a funny story....share it.

Just don't go driving yourself crazy trying to figure out a way to get his attention. If he's talking to you on the regular, you've got his attention....just by being wonderful YOU.

And here's the good news:

In my own experience, the more I feel burdened to text first, the less confidence I have in the relationship going anywhere, and the less confidence I have in the relationship going anywhere, the easier it is to say:

 "Thank you for the great chats. Have a richly blessed life, dude. Bye!"

So basically, can a girl text first? Of course. Is it always the best decision in the big scheme of life? Not always.

Pray to the Lord for wisdom. 

Pray to the Lord for contentment. 

Pray for that future guy who will pursue you. 

He's awesome.