5 reasons the bachelor/ bachelorette is doomed from the get-go

ABC's "The Bachelor" has been running now for a total of 16 seasons, 8 years! Since early 2002, we've been watching single, attractive men and women find "true love" and the always cliche "person of our dreams." With many other spin-off reality series like it (such as a new one called "Love in the Wild," a mash up of survivor and any popular dating show), one might ask "why?"

 
Why are we so enthralled when the man gets down on one knee? Why are we willing to sacrifice hours in front of the boob tube watching roses handed out like party beads at a Mardi Gras parade? Because, it's not a fictional movie about two people trying to find love. This is real life and somehow, someway - we helped. We invested our time and energy. We gave up on the other shows that were running on Monday nights. We were apart of this match made in heaven and - gosh darn!- if it works for them it'll work for me.

If only.

I would argue that these TV dating shows, beyond the obvious fact that they are part-scripted, part-dramatized, and part-edited, are not only ineffective at finding a soul-mate for the bachelor/ette, but actually set up both parties for failure. I would say I'm qualified to give a criticism of this TV show, not because I'm such a great critic, but because I am a faithful viewer.

It's like watching a car crash. I can't look away but every time I come back, I cringe.

So, operating with my thesis that this show, and the countless others like it, are always doomed to fail in producing true, genuine loving relationships and/or marriages, I'll just say that this show is oddly addicting. I'm only criticizing it as a thought-vomit sort of gush.

OK- so here are my five reasons the people (we'll call them "characters") on the Bachelor/ette are doomed to not find love while on the show.

1.) You're seeing each other at your best

I don't think with a million and one cameras focusing on your perfectly sculpted face or supernaturally expensive, tailored clothes anyone would ever, EVER be him or herself. That's why the first few episodes of every season feel like the first date that never ends.

I mean you can't blame the characters. They are on TV with millions watching. I would never act anything less than a heckalota perfect under that pressure.

2.) The false assumption that finding love is matter of numbers

When I want to feel affirmed and loved I think of two, maybe five, guys falling in love with me all at once. I would never be such a greedy pig to think of 25 or 30 men competing over me.

Ok. Greedy pig is a bit harsh. But seriously, how many times have we heard, "There's always more fish in the sea," and then been startled to find that, no, all those fish are on the Bachelor, competing over a blonde bombshell.

The general idea of the show is that if you get enough attractive males/females in one room, the fires of eternal love and devotion will be sparked and turn into a bonfire of everlasting joy.

But life should show us that it only takes two people to make a couple. Not 5. Not 10. Not 30.

Also, just because statistically you're raising the odds of finding someone you can actually spend more than 8 weeks of life with, that doesn't mean that the catch is in the 30. It could take 35 men to find the right one. It could take 100. It could take an infinite number of women/men to find your soul mate.

I'm not really saying anything too profound. But I just wanted to be clear- the theory that if you simply meet enough people of the opposite sex, you will find marital bliss- is baloney. There is no magic number.

3.) There isn't enough time to develop a meaningful relationship


The 8 weeks or however long the season goes on for is hardly enough time to find out someone's zipcode, much less their compatibility for marriage. Now, I'm not saying there is never an instance where whirlwind romances turn out successful. However, let's be realistic. Each male or female is spending very little time with each other- until the very end of each series.

Like every good thing, finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with won't happen by the time the final rose is handed out.

4.) The dates are making up for the serious lack of chemistry

Call me old-fashioned. Call me out-of-touch. But. UH. When did first dates include helicopters and jumping from cliffs and dancing to your favorite band LIVE? Sure, ABC has the money to put on spectacular dates but most first dates are low-key.

And there's a healthy reason for that.

Not only would the second date include a bowl of top ramen so your man could pay for his monthly rent after your extravagant first date, every other date would have to top the next.

Ok. You may be saying I'm thinking too one-dimensionally about this. After all, these people have real feelings and just want to be around each other, regardless of what they are doing. A big first date shows how much the man/woman cares about the other. How much they will be willing to do to insure his/her happiness.

Uh right. There is NO CHEMISTRY in these dates besides the stuff that ABC makes the characters feel. It's like the proverbial high school boy who takes a girl to "Paranormal Activity" so he can get a little "paranormal" activity during the movie. Every monster equals another opportunity to hold her a little tighter.

All the crazy cool stuff that they get to do on their first date is just a distraction, a ruse, to keep us from the simple fact, there is no connection. The connection won't happen until later. Much later. But I think this is one huge failing in show.

However, as horrible as it is watching two or more gorgeous people enjoy a honey-moon -equivalent experience on their first date. There is an even bigger problem with these reality dating shows and specifically the Bachelor....

5.) There is (most likely) a marriage proposal at the end. 

This is one HUGE problem with this particular reality series. As if going through 25+ men or women isn't bad enough. You had better choose one as your spouse.

The problem with this ending to the series, which is glaringly obvious, is that it ends in one person asking another to make one of the largest, life-changing decisions they'll ever make. Sure, there have been exceptions. Different seasons have led to failed dating relationships and one did lead to marriage. By and large though, every season ends with the man down on a knee, saying something cheesy from a classic 80's movie like, "I want to guard and protect your heart."

Then. Their engagement breaks up like a week later. Like dude. What's the sitch?

Well, as I've been ranting on, there is no real love flowing between these two compadres. It was all a high-emotion pumped make-believe.

Besides, imagine being in the guy/gal's shoes who has to pick- Not only would this be the best fantasy of your life- it would also be the worst. It would be like someone offering you an apple and an orange and asking you which is your favorite fruit. What if your favorite fruit was a banana? What if you were deathly allergic to fruit? What if the fruit wasn't ready for such a huge commitment?

Additionally, the characters on this show would be so emotionally drained by the time proposal day pops up. "I just broke 24 other hearts but, gosh darn, I am so excited to ask you to be my wife!"

Not a chance.

So what are your thoughts? Am I totally wrong about this? Could you find love on a dating show? Is it possible? What about the ONE successful marriage that came about as a result of this show (I mean as a direct result)?

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