Last year this time I had just moved out to Northern California. No job, no place of my own, no family (except the amazing and truly wonderful friends God has so graciously placed in my life). I packed up my tiny Mazda with all my earthly possessions. Said farewell to Connecticut and drove across country with my wonderful, amazing, precious mom.
God provided not one, but two, amazing jobs. I was given an amazing church. I lost a car. Gained another. Got my first apartment. Gained amazing, lifelong friendships. Lost two to the grave (But praise Jesus for heaven- right?!?). My growth with the Lord has been astronomical.
Then, just because God is a gracious and wonderful loving Father who loves to give good gifts, he plopped the most amazing and godly man right into the middle of my crazy blessed life.
Brothers and Sisters who I dearly cherish, don't ever think that God doesn't hear your hearts. He does. And sometimes, as Benjamin has reminded me, we need to thank God for the "unanswered prayers."
We need to thank God even when life seems to have no meaning or purpose. We need to thank God even when life throws us some weird and random curve ball. In the moments of sheer exhaustion and depression and need and heartbreak, we need to thank God.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to myself when I first arrived at the Jackson's doorstep, exhausted, excited, ready for whatever was coming next.
I wish I could tell myself just three words: "God is faithful."
The truth is, and I wish it wasn't the truth, I doubted.
I doubted that God really understood what I was asking for when I prayed my heart out into the wee hours of the morning. I doubted that He had a very distinct and clearly mapped out plan for my life. I doubted that I was not expected to make anything happen and that all I needed to do was trust Him.
Oh how I wish I had more faith. I wish I could just shake myself and say, "GET A GRIP!"
Look, see what love God has lavished upon us in Christ and in Salvation! Look!!!
One of my favorite hymns goes, "I need You, Lord, I need You, Every hour I need You."
We need to understand dear ones, that we have need of Him. And it is precious. Just as a child comes to a parent, so we come to our heavenly Father. It is in this need that God delights to give the desires of our hearts. He absolutely relishes in our need of Him.
Do realize too that I'm saying need, not want. God always gives what we need. Often times our wants are so different, not necessarily in opposition, but still so very different from what God will give to us.
Sometimes, as my pastor's wife has reminded me time and time again, He's just not finished with us yet.
We can only live in the present. We are weak and frail. Lord help us. We are so tempted and tried and tossed to and fro.
But God is so merciful. He forgives our weakness and bids us to come: "Come to the cross where I gave you everything you could ever need. Come and rest in the palm of my hand. I will carry you through this one precious and dear life."
And He will.
I promise you.
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