why it's often more selfish to be an extrovert

Last night my friends and I took a test online to figure out our "personalities" based on the Myers - Briggs 16 different personality types.

Now, while these tests can be a fun way to learn more about yourself, I wouldn't recommend using them as a sole means of self-identification. I don't really believe there are only 16 personality types. No way.

I think we're all so different. But the truth is, answering some of these questions, "Do you enjoy the solution or the process of finding the solution?" or "How do you like to occupy your time?", really gets you thinking about how you're constructed. What is it that makes you tick? What are your personal strengths and weaknesses?

My personality type (according to the test) is an ENFJ...which is just a bunch of letters...that mean I'm Extroverted (whoa! huge surprise there), Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging...which also meant, and I quote, "alkjdsfkjasflkjasdfkla" to me.

Essentially, my personality is focused very strongly on other people and living in and around other's lives (Are any of these true of you?):

• If I'm not with someone, I get extremely lonely and insecure. 

• I tend to derive a lot of my confidence from being around other people (Starting to see a trend?) and am satisfied the most when I'm part of the group. 

• I pick up my social queues by trying to gauge other people and basically become the Swiss Army knife of social situations, picking out the best tool I can to be part of the conversation or situation.

• I have a really hard time making a decision if I know I will have to hurt or go contrary to someone in the process.
• I have a lot of confidence in what I believe in private but am fearful of what others might think if I express those ideals out loud.

It was interesting to read how the psychologist who put the description for my personality type really excused a lot of the narcissism and selfishness associated with this personality "type." For example in the concluding sentence, "As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others." (http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ENFJ.html)

I'm so focused on others and pleasing other people so that I look good that apparently I'm not selfish enough.

And that was really the crux of the argument for me; the argument that highly outgoing and extroverted people are so focused on other people they forget to take care of their own needs.

I would counter that by saying extroverts DO take care of themselves, to a very high level. I say this to my fellow extroverts with as much love and empathy as I have inside of me...

We don't like to be alone, so we seek company. We don't like feeling useless, so we insert ourselves (sometimes forcefully) into other's lives. We don't want to be thought of badly or, worse, forgotten, so we formulate ways to include our experiences into the conversation.

We don't feel satisfied until someone, somewhere takes notice of us, and says “Hey! You're valuable.”

This is how I feel. I don't find peace in solitude. I want someone repeating and repeating the refrain “How Great YOU are!”

Perhaps from a worldly perspective it's a mere personality flaw or means of effecting change in society. But from the Bible's view, it's wildly self-centered. It's actually worse. It's worship of self. It's idolatry. It's a futile attempt to kick God off His throne and hop on for a bit. It's a desire that can only be expontialized by the very fulfillment of it. The more we see our power over people, the more we want power over people.

But that longing, the longing for love and purpose, is fulfilled in Christ. Not by means of allowance or acceptance, but by putting off and putting on. The cravings we have for affirmation and worldly appreciation are squashed at the foot of the cross and substituted for a much holier addiction, worship of God.

I don't really have a good way to conclude my ramblings. If you don't know Christ, you can't know true contentment. I've had to realize this and teach it to myself time and time again. Of course, only after lots of tearful prayer and confession.

It's an embarrassing personality flaw to admit. You don't want to admit you lead a life of selfishness, that your inner motivations are tainted with sin. You don't want to share how often words are said without a hint of sincerity. You don't want to divulge the defense mechanisms you've discovered and developed over years of social experience.

But expose we must. Be an extrovert! Be the person God so beautifully made you to be. He didn't accidentally give you a heart for others.

He knew how you would fit in His body. He did. He does. He is faithful to complete the work He started! Most of all, don't rely on what other's think of you. Their opinion will change like the leaves on the trees. So I repeat, be an extrovert. Be the person you are and do so faithfully.