classic post-grad "where am i?" post

This last week and a half has been busy.

It hasn't just been busy time-wise...but busy in my mind. So many thoughts buzzing around. It's actually harder for me to write in times of complete business (where I actually have things to write about)...than it is when I'm alone and solitary.

Perhaps I'm a bit of a loner. Anyone who knows me personally would probably deny those claims. But I think to a certain extent- I enjoy the loneliness. Or rather. I enjoy the feeling of being alone with my thoughts.

There they can simmer for awhile and infuse other thoughts with their flavor.

One thing I've been thinking about a lot is my place right now. I don't just mean in a philosophical "where am I?" sort of way. I've been thinking about whether I really should be living at home (I don't have money so that option can be thrown out the window).

I've been thinking about what I want to do with my future. Obviously there are certain wants and desires that have still been unmet. But I mean...do I want to be a public figure? Do I want to be a teacher (in the most general sense)? Do I want attention and glory? Or do I want a simple life?

Does any of this make sense?

There's a certain freedom in being unattached to anything or anyone. Of course, I am forever attached to Christ. But that's a different sort of attachment- that's more of a Master/Slave relationship. I'll forever have Him.

But I mean in the here and now.

I'm young. I can be anyone I want to be.

Okay, you want to tour around the West Indies in a Pontoon? Be an adventurist!

Okay, you want to bake bread for the poor? Be a philanthropist!

Does this make sense?

I'm part happy, part excited, part nervous, part lazy, part chewing at the reins...to get my life started.

But I guess in a sense it already has...right? But what I mean is I feel like I'm at that crucial moment in life, the part in movies screenwriters call "the inciting incident." It's that scene or event where something happens to the main character and sends them on the adventure that takes them through the rest of the story. It's a point of no return, at least in mythical story-land.

I don't feel like any of my decisions right now are going to send me on an adventure to destroy the ring or become a real boy (well, girl- but you know what I'm saying). But maybe some of my decisions will alter the rest of my life. For better or for worse.

I can't wait.