Hiatus

So I have a confession. I think everyone knows it.

I haven't written in a very, very, very long time. It's not that I haven't wanted to put the metaphorical pen to paper...I'm just so bad at balancing a very tiring job with doing anything remotely creative.

Excuses, excuses. I know.

But this week I've been feeling more creative. I've been feeling a sense of purpose, so to speak. Experiencing near-death(?) stuff will do that. It will put a little bit of bounce in your step, a song in your heart, a something in your something...never mind. I'm just going to go stream of conscience on ya.

The truth is...I'm stressed. There's so much going on in life it just seems like a torrent of "Okay, well that just happened...now what????"

But I'm also happy. I don't feel the stress in the same way I used to feel it. It's like that feeling before you start drowning but you're just happy to be above the surface of the water and not actually sucking it in.

I'm not really bad off. I'm not. I'm doing well. It is definitely well with my soul. Life's troubles are a strange medicine against not trusting God. He's my everything these days. He's my mainstay. It's not from any particular emotion that I'm writing those words down. That's just the reality.

I used to think that those people who had Job-esque lives and yet pressed on somehow were, well, a little delusional maybe- that maybe they would gulp and say, "Okay...it's not that bad....yeah....not that bad....I can do this...yeah...."

Maybe they just didn't want to grasp reality and maybe they were grasping at straws of fake optimism. Maybe.

But I can say that there is a weird way to both grasp the reality of a bad situation and simultaneously say, "This is for my good."

It's sort of beyond my realm of communicating to explain and most miraculous things are.

But God promises it...so why should I have been so surprised? He talks about a peace that cannot be understood....it's quite literally beyond human comprehension. It's not delusional or a "smile when your heart is breaking" mentality.

It's a day in, day out breakdown and build up of my sanctification. I'm not pretending to be okay. I am okay. I'm alright. I'm better than alright. I'm great actually.

I'm alive. I'm here. I'm enjoying the riches of God's grace and mercy.

 As I said in a text to a friend..."But I will say this...where I fail or life becomes a let down God is gracious ten fold. I see his graces and mercies in a very different and possibly more mature light. I think they're far more common and far more beautiful than we think...if that makes sense. In other words, God does show us grace in the huge things like saving us, protecting our lives, building us in sanctification, but he also shows us grace in "small" things like hugs, good food, an encouraging word, moments without rush or hurry..."


And this is how I truly am. Not just how I feel.

To the parents who killed their 3 year old

I was having a fine evening, a great evening in fact. My first post since the new blog came up was supposed to be light-hearted and happy...and it will be...I promise.

However, since the beginning of this evening until now something has crossed my path that sickened me. It sickened me and made me choke back tears. It made me realize...we are definitely not in heaven here.

I don't want to rehash the whole story but go here if you want to know more details about the case. WARNING, the article is graphic. Any parent reading this will be struck to their core.

why it's often more selfish to be an extrovert

Last night my friends and I took a test online to figure out our "personalities" based on the Myers - Briggs 16 different personality types.

Now, while these tests can be a fun way to learn more about yourself, I wouldn't recommend using them as a sole means of self-identification. I don't really believe there are only 16 personality types. No way.

I think we're all so different. But the truth is, answering some of these questions, "Do you enjoy the solution or the process of finding the solution?" or "How do you like to occupy your time?", really gets you thinking about how you're constructed. What is it that makes you tick? What are your personal strengths and weaknesses?

life as i know it

Whoa...life has been crazy lately...I went from being totally secure at home with mom and dad, enjoying a great job, to making this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime move to Northern California...beautiful, rustic, drive-three-hours-to-get-anywhere, Northern California...

So what happened? Did I get an amazing job offer out here? Nope. Did I suddenly fall in love and decide to marry? Definitely not.

ABC's 'Rising Star' is Falling Dud

This last Sunday night I joined 1 million others and downloaded the free "Rising Star" app on my iPhone. I was sort of overcome with curiosity about "the first game of it's kind," a TV program that allows the viewing public to "further a singer's career" via your smart phone.

Voters can raise the wall to keep the singer in the competition

I have to admit. The idea is really great. I mean what do people like to do with their downtime more than watch TV? Be on their phone! And, if you're terribly lazy (like me), do both at the same time.

Additionally, having a say in who stays and who goes...well that really is intoxicating. Even if you're main goal is to down vote every single singer (May or may not have done this a few times).

If this isn't feeding your narcissism and laziness enough, the producers will choose a lucky group of voters and display their Facebook or Twitter profile picture up on "The Wall."